Self-esteem and self-criticism
If the voice in your head is harder on you than you'd ever be on anyone else, therapy can help you find a kinder one.
Many people who come to therapy describe a feeling of never quite being enough. They may be capable, caring and successful by other people's measures, yet carry a quiet, persistent sense that they're falling short, or that if others really knew them, they'd be found out.
Low self-esteem isn't a flaw in your character. It usually makes sense once you understand where it came from, and it can change.
What it can feel like
Anxiety looks different for different people. You might notice:
A harsh inner voice that criticises, compares and rarely lets up
Finding it hard to accept praise, or dismissing your achievements
Feeling responsible when things go wrong, even when they're not your fault
Putting other people's needs first and struggling to say no
Perfectionism, or putting things off for fear of getting them wrong
Shame, or a sense that something is fundamentally wrong with you
Holding back in relationships, at work or socially
How therapy can help
Self-criticism often began as a way of protecting yourself: trying to get things right, stay safe or keep others close. Therapy gives you space to understand that history without blaming yourself for it, and to notice when the old voice no longer serves you.
With your therapist you might:
Recognise the patterns and situations that trigger self-criticism
Explore the messages you absorbed growing up, and which ones you want to keep
Practise responding to yourself with more patience and self-compassion
Build a steadier sense of your worth that doesn't depend on getting everything right
Feel more able to set boundaries and ask for what you need
Some of our therapists draw particularly on self-compassion and emotion-focused approaches, which pay attention to how criticism and shame feel in the body as well as in your thoughts.
What to expect
You start with a free 15-minute consultation with the therapist you choose. It's a chance to say a little about what's been happening, ask questions and see how it feels to talk to them. There's no obligation to go further.
If you decide to begin, sessions are usually weekly and last 50 minutes, in person at our rooms in Nottingham city centre or online. Some people come for a few months, others for longer. You can talk about how it's going at any point.
Common questions
Isn't self-esteem something I should be able to fix on my own?
Many people try for years. A harsh inner critic is very good at turning self-help into another thing to fail at. Working with someone else can make a real difference.
Will I have to talk about my childhood?
Only if and when it’s useful. Your therapist will follow your lead and help you explore this if it relevant. Understanding where patterns came from often helps, even when the focus is on what's happening for you now.
I don't think my problems are serious enough for therapy.
That thought is often part of the pattern. If something is affecting how you feel about yourself and how you live, it's worth talking about.